The Importance of Marking Time: Grief, Anniversaries, and Ritual

One year ago, in accordance and affirmed by the United Methodist Church Book of Discipline, I began a 4-month Renewal Leave where I continued to represent my appointment in various annual conference, jurisdictional, and general church matters – but, I was no longer 24/7 with the local church. Effective July 1^st, 2024 I began my full-time Extension Ministry appointment to Chrysalis Counseling for Clergy as the Executive Director. The timing of my parting from my 9-year local church appointment – noting a cumulative 16-year local church ministry stint – was not anticipated, but not without conversation, my poignant request, and my consent either. Regardless, that day – 1-year ago – was a day full of institutional ritual followed by a year of deeply personal grief ritual, culminating to today’s first anniversary of metaphorically shaking my head and locking the gates.

Life is measured in moments—some joyful, some sorrowful, and many in between. When we experience loss, time itself can feel distorted. Days stretch endlessly or pass in a blur. Yet, amid the disorientation of grief, the act of marking time—acknowledging anniversaries, engaging in rituals, and holding space for remembrance—can be a profound and healing practice.

Anniversaries of loss – regardless of the type of loss – often arrive with an emotional weight, sometimes unexpectedly. Whether it’s the first year or a decade later, these milestones remind us of the depth of our love and the impact of our loss. Rather than avoiding these days, embracing them with intentionality can provide comfort. Lighting a candle, sharing memories, visiting a significant place, or engaging in acts of service can transform sorrow into a sacred act of remembrance.

Rituals provide structure when life feels chaotic. They allow us to express grief in meaningful ways, both individually and in community. In religious traditions, mourning practices—from saying Kaddish in Judaism to the Christian tradition of All Saints’ Day—create space for communal support. Personal rituals, such as journaling, listening to a favorite song, or preparing a favorite meal, can also offer solace. These practices help us remain connected while integrating memories into our ongoing narratives.

Grief is deeply personal, yet it is also universal. Acknowledging loss within a community reminds us that we do not grieve alone. Faith communities, support groups, and friendships provide the strength to navigate the journey of remembrance. Public memorials, candlelight vigils, and shared storytelling are ways we honor events, people, and moments that have shaped our lives.

Marking time through anniversaries and rituals does not mean dwelling in the past; rather, it allows us to carry our memories into the future. Each act of remembrance affirms who and what we are as a collective of the events and experiences of the past.

By making space for remembrance, we affirm that grief is not something to be rushed through or forgotten. It is part of the human experience, woven into the very fabric of time itself – and in marking time, we create moments of meaning, healing, and love.

Today, I attended church with my daughter. We followed worship with lunch, girl scout cookies, sharing of memories from our time with my former 24/7 local church appointment, and we remembered the joy we felt – and we laughed! Today was a good day.

May you too find joy and meaning in the marking of time, moments of grief, the recognition of anniversaries, and in rituals that heal.

Blessings on this journey,
Kelly