It Is What It Is
I am excited to announce that last week, I was on a real vacation! What I mean by a real
vacation is this – this particular trip had nothing to do with my profession nor was it
tacked on to a work-related trip, I did not take work-related projects to complete rather a
silly romance novel I found for $5.00 at the local bookstore, and best of all I had zero
access to the internet. There was plenty of food and merriment, relaxation pools,
entertainment, and quality time with family, so I was well taken care of.
This trip however, did come with a few moments of shifting carefully-created plans and creating
new ones in the span of 30-minutes. You see, I was on a cruise originally headed into
what would be a category 4 storm named Beryl. The ports of call changed in a moment
to places I have been before. To top it off, it seemed that Beryl followed the cruise
itinerary only a few days behind us so, what was once a pleasant beach and Myan Ruin
location quickly became a pile of dismantled chairs and fruit stands. To those of us on
the ship, this was a minor inconvenience in relation to the devastation felt by the people
in Beryl’s wake.
On the return flight, we had another minor inconvenience. Our connecting flight was
delayed by approximately 5-hours due to yet another storm, rerouting of planes, a fuel
reload, and crew changes. This put us home and in our own beds back from the
pleasant original time of 6:00pm to 12:30am. Again, a minor inconvenience in relation to
the airport staff and airline reorganizational stress that was happening behind the
scenes as we lounged in our chairs drinking soda and eating chips.
Throughout the trip – including the last handful of hours waiting patiently in the airport
for our flight along with 160 other Albuquerque-bound travelers – I took note of how
people respond to moments of stress and change. Some, not so well as displayed by
how they chose to speak to their traveling companions and airline staff, and others
seemed to go with the bumps with ease as displayed by smiling faces and offers to
assist parents with overly tired and hungry children. Now, If I am being honest with
myself and all of you, I would say I am somewhere in the middle regarding my stress
response and I will leave it at that!
In both the cruise change of itinerary announcement and the airport situation, I heard
possibly the most dismissive comment known to the English language uttered again and
again – “It is what it is.” This phrase, to me, is not helpful and does not share empathy
to those whom change is difficult for. I remember my mother once commenting
sarcastically on this phrase saying, “It is what it is – It ain’t what it ain’t!”
Travel can be stressful event to the most experienced travelers among us. Life can be
stressful even to the most experienced among us. In this vein, I believe language to be
important. I believe self-awareness and the understanding that we don’t understand
what others are experiencing is important. In life’s most stressful moments, let us watch
our language, let us embody self-awareness, and let us not be dismissive to ourselves
or to others.
Americana
Growing up, my extended family would gather in a New Mexico ski resort town every year for
the 4 th of July holiday. This sleepy mountain town where we gathered for our annual family
reunion existed purely on tourism and during the winter months, this was a busy village filled
with skiers and snowboarders alike. To the villages credit, they had managed to provide a
smattering of summer activities for the non-skiers of the world with a green mountain backdrop
that was perfect for my family.
What I remember from my family 4 th hot summer gatherings, was a swimming pool, an ice-cold
river where you could wade barefoot in the water, a ski-lift scenic ride, trinket shops, and the
culmination of the town’s annual 4 th of July parade. This parade was all a small-town Americana
parade should be and it never disappointed me! The parade consisted of locals riding in
decorated trucks throwing candy to the crowd, a few convertibles with politicians smiling
joyfully in the open tops, the local high school band belting out all the 4 th favorites, and a local
civic club driving mini cars and handing out mini–American Flags.
Following the parade, my extended family would quickly gather in one of the many families
rented cabins for burgers, hot dogs, pasta salad, and dessert – lots of dessert! I remember this
time being joyful as the family gathered and shared stories of their past and hopes for the future.
To me, this is what this season is all about. It’s about people who care for each other, gathering
and simply sharing life together. It’s about recognizing all the privileges we have and
recognizing those who gave of themselves to ensure these privileges to the whole.
I recognize, that because we are humans with individual human experiences, thoughts, and
voices, we have varying opinions on the logistics and intricacies of this holiday. I also recognize
and deeply believe that this season has a special beauty to it because of the ability to share our
varying experiences, thoughts, and opinions.
I encourage you to take a moment this holiday to say thank you and to celebrate the privilege of
Americana with your family, friends, and neighbors.
Lessons From Landscapes
A month or so ago, my spring travels found me in Pittsburgh, PA. I was attending the Festival of
Homiletics as both an attendee and a host of a Chrysalis Counseling For Clergy booth. I have
attended this event for several years and I have developed a fondness for this gathering for many
reasons: 1) For the ecumenical gathering aspect and 2) For the physical annual shift in location
that allows for a person like me to see parts of the country I may not otherwise consider.
A few things to note about the City of Pittsburgh – Pittsburgh is known for its industrial past, and
the city’s landscape is marked by a bold juxtaposition of old steel mills and modern skyscrapers.
The transformation from an industrial powerhouse to a hub of innovation and green spaces
demonstrates a community’s ability to dominate and reshape its environment. Pittsburgh’s
landscape design reflects resilience and reinvention, showcasing how a community can assert its
presence and adapt over time. This city is intrigued to me, and I initially could not name what it
was that gave me pause, but I believe it has something to do with the very counter-cultural aspect
to the environment in which I live – the two cityscapes are simply two very different places
culturally and architecturally, and I think the two have something to do with one-another.
In contrast to Pittsburgh, the NM lanscape in which I live and have been raised in, is renowned
for its unique architectural style and harmonious relationship with the natural environment. The
adobe buildings, with their earth-toned hues, seamlessly blend with the desert landscape. The
area’s design philosophy emphasizes sustainability and respect for the surrounding ecosystem.
Here, community members often prioritize integration with their environment, reflecting a desire
to be part of a greater whole rather than to stand out (although there are always the exceptions!).
This approach fosters a sense of unity and continuity with the past and nature.
As I reflect on these two environments, I am reminded of how we as people show up and
approach others and situations in our communities. What lessons are we to learn from the
landscape and architecture in which we dwell? Do we show up with a sense of resilience and
reinvention much like that of Pittsburgh PA, or do we show up in a more harmonious and
unifying manner as is displayed in the cities and towns of NM? Or, do we choose to blend the
two depending on our mood or context?
I think we have a great deal to learn from our experiences – both our experiences with people
and in our experiences of observation of culture and landscape. My wish for you this week is that
you reflect on how you embody your experiences and observations in this world, and how they
make you who we are in how you show up in this world.
Living Into the Golden Rule
When my daughter was in 3 rd -5 th grades, she participated in our local Junior Derby League on a
team called the Marionettes. Just image a group of young girls ages 8-12 expressing themselves
in colorful dress and makeup, and playing a full-contact roller-skating sport. Everything about
this was fun for me. I enjoyed watching the practices and bouts, listening to the 80s and 90s
music blasting from the announcer stand, and the celebrations following every game where
everyone seemed to support and cheer-on one another regardless of if they won or lost.
What I think impressed me the most about the Jr. derby experience, was each teammate’s ability
to make everyone feel welcomed. I have no idea if this group of 10 girls participated in any
formal religious practices or traditions, but what I do know is that they treated each other just as
we are told and just as we preach again and again: “Treat others just as you want to be treated”
(Luke 6:31, CEV). This group of 10 girls lived into the Golden Rule in a way that was as simple
as breathing, and I felt privileged to witness this type of witness. And yes, I believe it is as
simple as that, and I believe if we lived our lives with this tattooed on our hearts and lived out in
our lives, we would be a better society for it. But we don’t at all times, and that includes me.
When we debase another or aim to take one’s voice from them, we have abandoned this Gospel
lesson. When we choose to treat another as less then or make unjust assumptions about another,
we have abandoned this Gospel lesson. When we forget or choose to turn our backs on the
commandment to Love One Another, we have abandoned this Gospel lesson. I thank God for
communities of friends who remind us and teach us Grace – who remind us that although we do
not always live into the Golden Rule, there is always room for redemption and to be better.
This week, take a moment to consider how you live into the Gospel lesson to “Treat others just
as you want to be treated” and if needed, what areas in this simple lesson need to be redeemed in
your life.
Passing The Torch
This is my absolute favorite photo of my ordination. The photo itself is from the local town
newspaper where I was ordained. The photo is a little grainy and the details are difficult to make
out, which is one of the many reasons this is the photo I have framed in my office.
When I look at this photo, I am reminded of not only the day I was ordained, but I am reminded
of the somewhat grainy and gritty process I took towards that day. I am reminded as well of the
somewhat grainy and gritty place where I was kneeling when United Methodist Bishop, Cynthia
Fierro Harvey, placed her hands on my head. I remember how her hands felt, the shoes she was
wearing, and the smell and feel in the air of the sanctuary where we gathered on this hot summer
Saturday afternoon.
Today, as the anniversary of my ordination approaches, I am reminded of the importance of not
only sharing the grainy and gritty knowledge we have gained on our ministry journeys with
others, but the vital tradition of passing the torch concerning that which we have learned about
ourselves and the leadership positions we have held – the mountain-top experiences, the
growing-edge type of experiences, and everything in-between. This transition of leadership
privilege and knowledge ensures the continuity, growth, and vitality of the church but, it’s
complicated, isn’t it?
We place so much of who we are and our worth in the work that we do, and we often forget the
importance of leaving a place or leadership role in the hands of the generation of leaders who
follow us. We forget that our worth is not tied up with titles or positions, rather how we treated
people and the lessons we gained while holding those roles. Without the passing of the torch and
holding true to who we are as individuals, we are left with gaps in our systems of institutional
leadership, which leads to institutional and personal resentment.
So, I leave you with this – What is your story of grainy and gritty ministries? When was the last
time you shared your story? What does passing the torch look like in your life?
The Litmus Test
I remember the morning well…
It was mid-February and to say I had a lot going on in my life both personally and professionally
would be the understatement of the year. I was feeling both exhilarated and emotionally
exhausted. I was not eating or sleeping well, and I was feeling as if my emotional state was
changing by the minute, if not by the second. Some significant shifts were about to transpire in
my life, and I desperately needed to be on the other side of the month – and it felt like February
was taking forever!
On this particular February morning, I could hear the birds outside and I could see the sun
working hard to get me moving. I had already woken up late and their seemed to be something
wrong with the hot water in my home, so my shower was cold. All this aside, I was looking
forward to my first morning cup of coffee – the one thing that starts my day on the right foot
regardless of which side of the bed I rolled out of. As I walked into the kitchen I grabbed my
coffee mug, filled it with the perfect cup of coffee, and as I turned around the cup slipped out of
my hand and went crashing to the floor. I still can picture the cup shattering and hot liquid
spilling in a million different directions.
What happened next surprised even me…
You see, this type of incident has happened to me before. I am typically moving too quickly in
the morning and not being fully present with myself physically or mentally, so the loss of a
coffee cup and the liquid found inside is not new. This February morning was different – instead
of simply taking in a deep sigh and grabbing the broom, I collapsed on the kitchen floor
hysterically sobbing. The mental health litmus test indicated that I was not doing so well. I had
worked hard to convince myself and others that the balancing act that I was in was going well,
and that the changes on the horizon for me were being greeted with a sunshine emoji. Clearly,
that was not the case. The result: A call to my therapist and a day with self-giving permission to
clear my calendar.
We have all been there. There are days when the Litmus test indicates all is well, and there are
days when the Litmus test indicates we need to step back, breathe, and take a day.
Today, my hope for you is that you can take step back, breathe, and take a day. You invest
yourself in your Callings, your ministries, and to those who support and surround you – and
today, you need to take a look at you saying, “I am a Beloved Child of God.”
In Memory
I was once told that memories sit in a variety of ways – some sit softy, some violently, and some
in a much more neutral way. In the 24-years since graduating with my MA in Counseling and
receiving my first licensure, I have had the privilege of sharing space with people who are
working through complex times, and I have come to fully appreciate this sentiment regarding
memories.
Over the weekend, I attended the memorial service of a colleague and friend of my father. For
many reasons, this service sat in a way in which I struggle to find the words to describe. For one,
the memorial service took place in the town where I spent my elementary, middle, and high
school years. Like many people, my formative years in a small town sits in both joyful and
complicated ways. The daughter of the recently deceased was a grade ahead of me in school and
we attended school and church together throughout our years in our hometown. To add another
layer, my father died a little over 15-years ago, and the deceased spoke at my father’s memorial
service. In my memory, he not only spoke, but he shared memories of my father that I did not
know, which added an element of joy for me in a profoundly dark time.
We each hold memories of those who have gone before us, relationships which have changed or
come to an end, and memories of physical spaces that hold deep meaning for us. Memories that
sit and make us laugh, memories that bring a sorrowful note to our souls, and memories that we
work hard to move through. Memories sit and become part of our narrative and help to form us,
regardless of their origin.
One more thought to share: The image this week is of First United Methodist Church in Portales,
New Mexico. The structure you see was a safe place which held many memories of teaching me
about my faith as a young person, what it means to be loved and cared for, the joy of potlucks,
youth lock-ins, and so much more. This House of Memories was torn down in the early 2000s –
approximately a decade after I moved away – and was replaced by a new and more modern
structure. I realized as I sat in this new structure in memory of my father’s friend and colleague,
and behind his daughter, that I missed the old sanctuary – I missed the brick walls and wood
floor; I missed the balcony where I would sit with my friends during worship and laugh and sing
as loud as we could as if no one could hear us; I missed the high ceilings with the 1970s light
fixtures; and I missed the smell of the space. I think what I missed most of all in that moment as I
sat in this new space, was the childlike wonder and magical awe I had for a place that now holds
so many memories for me.
I know it’s OK to work-through both joyful and complicated memories, and I know it’s
important to realize that we each create sacred memories wherever we find ourselves.
Let us be people who share our memories – whatever they are! – and are present and open to
ever-forming new ones.
In Memory,
Kelly
Learn More
The Gift of Exploration
My first trip abroad took place in 1997. I was in my fourth year at the University of New Mexico
and my dear friend Alison was studying Psychology at Oxford University outside of London.
She invited me to visit her in-between semesters. It was on this trip that I discovered that I do not
mind long plane rides, the hustle and bustle of unfamiliar places, observing people as you
momentarily become part of their world, or simply sharing life with a travel companion – you
get to know a great deal about a person when you travel with them!
To tell you a bit about my relationship with Alison: we met our first few days of our freshman
year of college in the dorms – Santa Ana Dorm to be exact! Alison and I were fast friends and on
Sundays, Alison and I would head to our respective church services – Alison off to a Catholic
service and I to a United Methodist service – and then we would meet for lunch. Alison and I
have shared many life experiences together, including the loss of a parent, adventures in
romantic relationships, friend and family ups and downs, and everything in-between! I believe
we have gifted each other so very much, with the shared gift of travel and curiosity always
present.
I will forever be grateful to Alison for this first adventure across the pond, which taught me so
much about who I am. 38 states, 12 countries, and five continents later, I can fully reflect and
recognize that I have been privileged in my ability to travel and experience this amazing planet
both solo, with family, friends, and groups of like-minded and purposed people.
I was recently asked why it is I enjoy travel so much – “Is it because you are leaving a place or
finding a place?” I would say it’s neither of those things, although it may have at one time or
another been both of those things. What I most appreciate about travel is what I discovered on
that first trip abroad in 1997 – I am a curious person and having the opportunity to be a discreet
interloper in settings which are not my own is both a challenge and a grounding experience for
me. The gift of travel and exploration – both in other regions and in our own neighborhoods –
reminds me that I am not alone in this world and that the bubble I often create for myself is not
the final say.
My hope is that each of you finds a way to explore, challenge, and ground yourself. Be curious
always and get out of your bubble as often as you can!
Tis the Season to Celebrate
It was May 19 th , 2020 when I found myself putting on my robe with my newly earned stripes
(three on each sleeve to be exact), my father’s Ph.D. graduation hood (an homage to my late
father’s profound respect for education), and my tam (something I had been waiting to wear for a
very long time!). My Zoom-inspired Doctor of Ministry graduation from Claremont School of
Theology would soon begin and there was nothing that was going to keep me from participating
or celebrating this long-awaited event – not even a global pandemic!
I have often been asked if I felt that my graduation was not as grand as I had hoped or planned,
or if the event itself was somehow a let-down after my years of hard work and dedication to my
project that would soon become a non-profit organization which would serve so many clergy.
The answer is simple – Life is not something to anticipate and its circumstances are not
something we deserve, rather life is something to embrace and experience. In short, my
graduation was not what I had once planned and, in all honesty, I have had mixed emotions about
the circumstances, but my graduation was one I fully embraced, experienced, and celebrated.
This time of year is often hailed as a season of celebration. From Mother’s Day to graduations,
the month is filled with opportunities to honor achievements, express gratitude, and come
together with loved ones. However, for some, this season can also bring about a mix of emotions,
ranging from joy to sadness, and everything in between.
It’s completely understandable if this season feels complicated for you – I know it can feel
complicated for me! Here are some suggestions that I have found helpful for finding your footing
during complicated times:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions. Allow yourself to
recognize and accept whatever you’re feeling without judgment. - Reach Out for Support: Don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, or a therapist if you
need someone to talk to. Sometimes just expressing your feelings can provide a sense of
relief. - Create New Traditions: If the traditional celebrations feel too overwhelming or painful,
consider creating new traditions that feel more meaningful to you. This could be as
simple as spending time in nature, volunteering, or engaging in a favorite hobby. - Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during this time. Treat yourself with the
same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend going through a similar
situation. - Focus on Gratitude: While it’s okay to acknowledge the challenges, try to also focus on
the things you are grateful for. This could be small moments of joy, supportive
relationships, or personal accomplishments. - Set Boundaries: If certain events or activities feel too overwhelming, it’s okay to set
boundaries and prioritize your well-being. You don’t have to attend every gathering or
participate in every tradition if it doesn’t feel right for you. - Seek Meaning: Take some time to reflect on the deeper meaning behind these
celebrations. For example, Mother’s Day can be a time to honor not only biological
mothers, but also anyone who has played a nurturing role in your life. - Practice Self-Care: Make self-care a priority during this time. Engage in activities that
nourish your mind, body, and spirit, whether it’s exercise, meditation, creative expression,
or simply spending time doing things you enjoy.
May is a season of celebration, but it’s also a time that can feel complicated for many of us. By
acknowledging our feelings, reaching out for support, and finding ways to honor the season in a
way that feels authentic to us, we can navigate complex seasons in our lives with grace and
meaning. Remember that it’s okay to lean on others, to prioritize self-care, and to create new
traditions that reflect who we are and what we value. Your well-being is what matters most!
With awe and grace, Kelly
Its Mental Health Awareness Month–Now What?
Navigating Clergy Mental Health: Insights for Mental Health Awareness Month
As we delve into Mental Health Awareness Month this May, it’s imperative to shine a light on
the often-overlooked aspect of clergy mental health. Beyond the serene facade, we as clergy
members often grapple with a myriad of mental health challenges, ranging from anxiety and
depression to struggles with personal relationships and self-care. The statistics paint a sobering
picture, revealing the profound impact that the demands of pastoral ministry can have on our
well-being.
According to data from the Duke Clergy Health Initiative, Wespath Benefits and Investments,
and the Center for Disease Control, anxiety rates among clergy stand at a staggering 13.5%,
significantly higher than the general population’s 4.2%. Depression, too, rears its head with
alarming frequency, affecting 23% of clergy compared to the standard 8.6% reported by the
CDC. What’s even more concerning is that over 8% of clergy grapple with both depression and
anxiety simultaneously.
Perhaps one of the most poignant revelations from the research is the prevalence of personal
challenges faced by clergy members. Shockingly, one in six clergy members leave the ministry
annually, highlighting the toll that the profession can take on individuals. Moreover, the high
rates of divorce, lack of meaningful hobbies outside of the church, and difficulty in fostering
close friendships paint a picture of isolation and emotional strain.
These numbers underscore a harsh reality: we, as clergy members, are not immune to the trials of
mental health. In a world where mental health is still stigmatized and misunderstood, it’s crucial
to recognize that we are not exempt from these struggles. Our mental health impacts not only our
personal well-being, but also our ability to effectively serve our congregations and communities.
Ignoring these challenges only perpetuates a cycle of suffering and disconnection.
So, what can we do to support our mental health during Mental Health Awareness Month and
beyond? First and foremost, we must foster open conversations about mental health within our
religious communities. By destigmatizing mental illness and encouraging one-another to
prioritize our well-being, we create an environment where seeking help is seen as a sign of
strength rather than weakness.
Additionally, researching and utilizing mental health resources and support networks is crucial.
Whether it’s through counseling services, peer support groups, training programs on self-care and
boundary-setting, or retreats, investing in our well-being is an investment in the health of our
communities.
As we embark on this journey of intentional awareness and advocacy, let us remember that we,
as clergy members, are human beings with our own struggles and vulnerabilities. This Mental
Health Awareness Month, let’s commit to shining a light on clergy mental health and working
towards a future where no one suffers in silence.
