Frog in the Boiling Water
There is a phrase that exists in Americana vernacular, and although I have no idea where it
originated, instinctively I know what it means – Frog in the Boiling Water. For those of you who
have perhaps never heard this phrase, it is a metaphor that refers to a person who sits in a
situation which may seem strange or odd at first, but the temperature is such that we remain in
the uncomfortable situation. Eventually, we cease to recognize the toxic and boiling temperature
of the situation that surrounds us, and we are taken over to the point where we struggle to jump
out of the now boiling water.
As is the case with many of these circulating metaphors, the Frog in the Boiling Water is a bit
grotesque, but I can guarantee with 98% certainty, that each of you have a situation that you have
experienced playing in your mind right now that fits the Frog in the Boling Water scenario. For
me, it took an emotionally toxic bully to extricate me from my Frog in the Boling Water situation
and for that, I am grateful. For you, it may be a situation from your childhood, young adult life, a
relationship, a friend-circle, or employment. These situations are often painful to move through,
but once on the other side, we can often find our breath and our voice once again.
The perspective of jumping out of the water – for whatever reason – reminds me of a much
gentler turn of phrase from The Journey written by a favorite poet of mine and many, Mary
Oliver in which she says: “But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to
burn through the sheets of clouds and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as
your own…”
We find ourselves and our voices in the most unlikely and unexpected ways, don’t we? Today, I
encourage you to take a step back and reflect. Perhaps, you find yourself in rising temperatures
and it’s time to reach out and seek support to be pulled from the boiling pot. Perhaps, you are in a
place of revisioning and reclaiming who you are. Perhaps, you are finding yourself on your feet
and fully embracing what is all around you and before you. In any case, be grateful and seek out
those who support, encourage, and care for you regardless of the leg of the journey you find
yourself on.
Ouvrons grand les Jeux: Games Wide Open!
Once every four-years, something a bit whimsical and nostalgic happens, and unless you are free
of all media and are perhaps living under a proverbial rock, you know I am referring to the
Summer Olympics! Since 1984 when the games were held in the City of Angels and proudly
touted its mascot, Sam the Olympic Eagle, I have been a dedicated consumer of the Olympic
games. Like many, I have my favorite events to watch, and I am always in awe of what the
human body, mind, and spirit are capable of as each are so openly displayed for all to witness –
and share our opinions and commentary on, even when we have no idea what we are talking
about.
I have always believed we can learn a great deal from the athletes who so proudly share with us
who they are – they are vulnerable and dedicated in ways we can’t always easily comprehend.
This year, another learning moment came to mind as I was comparing this year’s Golden Girls:
US Women’s Gymnastics Team, to teams of the past. There is simply something different that we
are observing this year, and I was having a difficult time naming what this thing was until I came
across a Ted Talk highlighting the differences between Belonging and Fitting In.
Belonging is about being accepted for who you are, feeling a sense of community, and knowing
that your authentic self is valued. It involves mutual respect, shared values, and a sense of
identity within a group. Fitting in, on the other hand, often requires conforming to the
expectations, norms, and standards of a group. It can mean suppressing or changing parts of
oneself to be accepted.
And there it is! What we are privileged to observe during the games this year, and at times be a
part of in our own lives, is what a community can be when the value of Belonging vs. simply
trying to Fit In is at play. When we truly allow those in our midst, including ourselves, be who
they and we are, the community is better for it, and it shows.
I am well aware that I have shown up in social circles, professional settings, and in ministry
trying to Fit In. In some cases, I kept-up the Fitting In Game going until the bitter end, but in
other situations, I allowed my authentic self to appear in an attempt to Belong. What I have
personally discovered is the importance of showing up Day One in an authentic way and not
being so concerned about Fitting In, rather Belonging in spaces that are authentic and true to who
I am and to the community.
My hope and prayer this day, is that we each find our authentic selves – always beautiful and
sometimes messy – and we know the joy of Belonging.
In Memory
I was once told that memories sit in a variety of ways – some sit softy, some violently, and some
in a much more neutral way. In the 24-years since graduating with my MA in Counseling and
receiving my first licensure, I have had the privilege of sharing space with people who are
working through complex times, and I have come to fully appreciate this sentiment regarding
memories.
Over the weekend, I attended the memorial service of a colleague and friend of my father. For
many reasons, this service sat in a way in which I struggle to find the words to describe. For one,
the memorial service took place in the town where I spent my elementary, middle, and high
school years. Like many people, my formative years in a small town sits in both joyful and
complicated ways. The daughter of the recently deceased was a grade ahead of me in school and
we attended school and church together throughout our years in our hometown. To add another
layer, my father died a little over 15-years ago, and the deceased spoke at my father’s memorial
service. In my memory, he not only spoke, but he shared memories of my father that I did not
know, which added an element of joy for me in a profoundly dark time.
We each hold memories of those who have gone before us, relationships which have changed or
come to an end, and memories of physical spaces that hold deep meaning for us. Memories that
sit and make us laugh, memories that bring a sorrowful note to our souls, and memories that we
work hard to move through. Memories sit and become part of our narrative and help to form us,
regardless of their origin.
One more thought to share: The image this week is of First United Methodist Church in Portales,
New Mexico. The structure you see was a safe place which held many memories of teaching me
about my faith as a young person, what it means to be loved and cared for, the joy of potlucks,
youth lock-ins, and so much more. This House of Memories was torn down in the early 2000s –
approximately a decade after I moved away – and was replaced by a new and more modern
structure. I realized as I sat in this new structure in memory of my father’s friend and colleague,
and behind his daughter, that I missed the old sanctuary – I missed the brick walls and wood
floor; I missed the balcony where I would sit with my friends during worship and laugh and sing
as loud as we could as if no one could hear us; I missed the high ceilings with the 1970s light
fixtures; and I missed the smell of the space. I think what I missed most of all in that moment as I
sat in this new space, was the childlike wonder and magical awe I had for a place that now holds
so many memories for me.
I know it’s OK to work-through both joyful and complicated memories, and I know it’s
important to realize that we each create sacred memories wherever we find ourselves.
Let us be people who share our memories – whatever they are! – and are present and open to
ever-forming new ones.
In Memory,
Kelly
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Tell Me a Story
Dear Chrysalis Friends,
As we find ourselves winding down from the hustle and bustle of our most sacred
seasons, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the importance of finding rest and
solace, even in the busiest of times. It’s during these periods, filled with various
obligations and commitments, that we often forget to pause, breathe, and seek the
rejuvenation that rest offers.
In the midst of our fervent activities, it’s crucial to lean on the support of our friends and
fellow colleagues. Friendship is not merely a luxury but a necessity, especially during
times when our spiritual and emotional reserves may be running low. Let us remember
the beauty of keeping covenant with one another, standing by each other’s side through
the ups and downs of live, offering comfort, encouragement, and solidarity.
With that said, I wish to emphasize the profound significance of sharing our stories with
one another. Our journeys are not always paved with laughter, joy, and success; often,
they are fraught with challenges, setbacks, and moments of darkness. Yet, it is in the
sharing of these stories—whether they have found resolve or not—that we find
connection, empathy, and understanding. Each narrative, each experience, contributes
to the rich tapestry of our collective faith.
In light of this, I am excited to introduce you to the “Tell Me A Story” project—a venture
dedicated to collecting and sharing stories from clergy about their mental health
journeys. Mental health is a topic often shrouded in silence and stigma, particularly
within religious communities. Through this project, we aim to break down barriers, foster
open dialogue, and provide a platform for clergy to share their triumphs, struggles, and
reflections on mental wellness.
I encourage each of you to consider participating in this initiative by submitting your
mental health journey to [email protected] – 500-2000 words. All stories will
be included in a final book collaborative project. Together, let us create a space where
vulnerability is welcomed, where stories are honored, and where healing is nurtured.
May we all find moments of rest and rejuvenation amidst the busyness of our Holy
Seasons. May our friendships grow deeper, our covenant stronger, and our stories
richer through our shared journey of faith.
With warm regards and blessings,
Kelly
Ultimate? Penultimate? Antepenultimate?
I remember in my Greek class in seminary a discussion of terms related to what we might call “the end.” Of course the term we used to describe the final conclusion of something was “ultimate.” What came just prior to the ultimate was “penultimate.” And what was just before that which was just before the ultimate was the “antepenultimate.” For some reason those terms have stuck with me over these last 30 plus years.
I mention this because if Holy Week is the ultimate in terms of the last week of Jesus’ life and ministry, then we might describe ourselves as being in the penultimate week of Jesus’ life and ministry. In terms of pastoral health and wholeness it seems to me that this might be one of those weeks when pastors ask themselves “What is next to the end?”
In May of last year Chrysalis had a table at the Festival of Homiletics in Minneapolis. Every day, pastor after pastor passed by our table for conversation, fliers, and stress balls. In our conversations I heard so many pastors talk about how they were trying to find a way to leave the ministry. The common themes were burnout, bad behavior of parishioners (especially during the pandemic), and financial struggles. All of these faithful pastors had seemingly reached the point where ministry was the penultimate moment in their career. In other words, they would leave the ministry fo another ultimate end.
My suspicion is that those who leave the ministry didn’t plan on it that way. These folks probably imagined that they would retire as pastors. But so much has changed in our world, in denominations, and in local churches, that at Chrysalis we see this a lot.
Perhaps in this week before THE week, it is worth some time considering where your ministry is related to the “ultimate” for you. What is your life telling you? What is your body telling you? What are the relationships in your life indicating to you? Are you just trying to get through things, or are you engaged and active and alive in your work? Is ministry your ultimate? Or, perhaps you are like one of those folks looking for a new ultimate.
Whatever the case, we are here to listen, to care, and offer feedback. Reach out.
With Hope,
The Chrysalis Team
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Re-Ordering the Photo Frame
As I was walking down the photo frame aisle trying to pick the perfect frame in which to highlight my daughter’s recent drill team competition photo, I found myself longing for my family to be in one of the frames: a photo frame family! You know the photo frame family I am talking about – it’s the photo that actually comes with the frame you purchase of the perfectly positioned family where each member is well-quaffed, well-dressed, and clearly overjoyed to be taking family photos because everything in their life is just so. Alas, my family does not represent the photo frame family and my guess is neither does the majority of families working to simply live into their own day-to-day, and complicated beautifully-woven together lives.
During this Lenten Season of contemplation and reflection, I encourage you to re-order and re-define your picture-frame ideal. What does a re-ordering require of you? What does a re-framing of our frames require of us?
Blessings in this Lenten Season,
The Chrysalis Team
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Discernment by Nausea in a Season of Remembrance
I recently heard the phrase, Discernment By Nausea and I was immediately drawn to it. Perhaps it is because of the season of Lent that we are entering into or perhaps it is because of the season I have personally found myself in and perhaps it is a little bit of both!
The thought behind this phrase is that we often play it safe when it comes to our lives in faith. We get comfortable in the predictability of our day to day’s – the rhythm of waking up and having that first cup of coffee, walking into our offices and preparing for the day ahead, and simply doing the work instead of experiencing the work that we have been called to. This calling is not always a comfortable experience for us and can make us feel a little queasy at times, but the process of pulling us from that which is uncomfortable to experiencing the fullness of that which we are continually being called to is a process worth exploring.
I encourage each of you to take a deep breathe in and begin to contemplate where the Spirit is leading you – perhaps out of your comfort zone into a season of Discernment By Nausea!
The Chrysalis Team is here to offer support and guidance in this and every season.
Care to you this day,
The Chrysalis Team
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Movement & Vision
As 2023 comes to a close and 2024 peaks it’s head around the corner, we find ourselves in a place of reflection, remembrance, and resolution. We reflect on all that the year have gifted to us and we remember all the lessons learned. The phase of resolution can be a bit more complicated as it takes into account the phases of reflection and remembrance and attempts to make ‘All things different – All things better!’ The problem with this, is we cannot take get over those stinging experiences that now have become a part of our narrative, neither can we simply sit in the accomplishments and joys of the year. This is truly a time to embed and move forward and through.
One activity that can assist in this movement is called Vision Boarding, rather creating a Vision Board. A vision board is a visual representation of your goals and relates to the direction you would like to take as you move into the upcoming days, weeks, months, and years. There are no rules when it comes to creating a vision board, only the ability to focus on yourself in a creative space.
A little guidance: Find a poster board, collect items that inspire you including magazine cut-outs, photo’s, and other items to affix to the board. Take your time and continually ask yourself, “Who am I?”; “What do I wish for myself?”; “What do I need?”
My word for you this day is Movement. The dedicated staff at Chrysalis is here to listen and encouragement as youfind peace, a stirring, and a movement within yourself this year.
Peace to you,
The Chrysalis Team
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Transitions & a Cup of Coffee
I am a big fan of coffee – church coffee, boutique coffee, Starbucks. It does not completely matter to me if my coffee originates from an espresso maker crafted ever so carefully with beautiful artwork showing through the foam from the local coffee shop, or straight from the verismo tucked in the corner of my office. I just enjoy my coffee.
I am also a fan of sharing sacred conversations with those dearest and most important to me over something as simple or complex as a cup of coffee. Conversations that are light and fun that share in celebrations and excitement, and conversations that sit on the soul in a different way. It’s the conversations of life, and laughter, tears, frustrations, broken relationships, and reconciliation. I enjoy a full life of connection.
I find myself this season seeped in sacred conversations embodied by the topic of transitions. These sacred conversations are conversations I find myself having with others as well as with myself. Transitions that include relationship shifts, employment discernment, and faith community affiliations. And yes, these conversations often happen over a simple, yet complex cup of coffee which for me, serves as a reminder of that which is a constant in my life – a grounding if you will to what is present, now.
I encourage each of you to find your grounding – in the midst of simple and complicated and complex conversations which is what makes life so very rich. Seek out those whom you love and care for dearly, and share in this grounding wherever those moments take you.
Grace & Peace,
The Chrysalis Team
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