Living Into the Golden Rule
When my daughter was in 3 rd -5 th grades, she participated in our local Junior Derby League on a
team called the Marionettes. Just image a group of young girls ages 8-12 expressing themselves
in colorful dress and makeup, and playing a full-contact roller-skating sport. Everything about
this was fun for me. I enjoyed watching the practices and bouts, listening to the 80s and 90s
music blasting from the announcer stand, and the celebrations following every game where
everyone seemed to support and cheer-on one another regardless of if they won or lost.
What I think impressed me the most about the Jr. derby experience, was each teammate’s ability
to make everyone feel welcomed. I have no idea if this group of 10 girls participated in any
formal religious practices or traditions, but what I do know is that they treated each other just as
we are told and just as we preach again and again: “Treat others just as you want to be treated”
(Luke 6:31, CEV). This group of 10 girls lived into the Golden Rule in a way that was as simple
as breathing, and I felt privileged to witness this type of witness. And yes, I believe it is as
simple as that, and I believe if we lived our lives with this tattooed on our hearts and lived out in
our lives, we would be a better society for it. But we don’t at all times, and that includes me.
When we debase another or aim to take one’s voice from them, we have abandoned this Gospel
lesson. When we choose to treat another as less then or make unjust assumptions about another,
we have abandoned this Gospel lesson. When we forget or choose to turn our backs on the
commandment to Love One Another, we have abandoned this Gospel lesson. I thank God for
communities of friends who remind us and teach us Grace – who remind us that although we do
not always live into the Golden Rule, there is always room for redemption and to be better.
This week, take a moment to consider how you live into the Gospel lesson to “Treat others just
as you want to be treated” and if needed, what areas in this simple lesson need to be redeemed in
your life.
Its Mental Health Awareness Month–Now What?
Navigating Clergy Mental Health: Insights for Mental Health Awareness Month
As we delve into Mental Health Awareness Month this May, it’s imperative to shine a light on
the often-overlooked aspect of clergy mental health. Beyond the serene facade, we as clergy
members often grapple with a myriad of mental health challenges, ranging from anxiety and
depression to struggles with personal relationships and self-care. The statistics paint a sobering
picture, revealing the profound impact that the demands of pastoral ministry can have on our
well-being.
According to data from the Duke Clergy Health Initiative, Wespath Benefits and Investments,
and the Center for Disease Control, anxiety rates among clergy stand at a staggering 13.5%,
significantly higher than the general population’s 4.2%. Depression, too, rears its head with
alarming frequency, affecting 23% of clergy compared to the standard 8.6% reported by the
CDC. What’s even more concerning is that over 8% of clergy grapple with both depression and
anxiety simultaneously.
Perhaps one of the most poignant revelations from the research is the prevalence of personal
challenges faced by clergy members. Shockingly, one in six clergy members leave the ministry
annually, highlighting the toll that the profession can take on individuals. Moreover, the high
rates of divorce, lack of meaningful hobbies outside of the church, and difficulty in fostering
close friendships paint a picture of isolation and emotional strain.
These numbers underscore a harsh reality: we, as clergy members, are not immune to the trials of
mental health. In a world where mental health is still stigmatized and misunderstood, it’s crucial
to recognize that we are not exempt from these struggles. Our mental health impacts not only our
personal well-being, but also our ability to effectively serve our congregations and communities.
Ignoring these challenges only perpetuates a cycle of suffering and disconnection.
So, what can we do to support our mental health during Mental Health Awareness Month and
beyond? First and foremost, we must foster open conversations about mental health within our
religious communities. By destigmatizing mental illness and encouraging one-another to
prioritize our well-being, we create an environment where seeking help is seen as a sign of
strength rather than weakness.
Additionally, researching and utilizing mental health resources and support networks is crucial.
Whether it’s through counseling services, peer support groups, training programs on self-care and
boundary-setting, or retreats, investing in our well-being is an investment in the health of our
communities.
As we embark on this journey of intentional awareness and advocacy, let us remember that we,
as clergy members, are human beings with our own struggles and vulnerabilities. This Mental
Health Awareness Month, let’s commit to shining a light on clergy mental health and working
towards a future where no one suffers in silence.
How Does Your Garden Grow
In my romanticized version of spring, I take myself as an urban gardener – not farmer, but a
gardener. And I say romanticized as it is the warming of the days and in the cooling temperatures
of the evenings that I find myself inspired and joyfully shopping for flowers and plants at the
nursery next to my home as I imagine what my urban garden will be in just a few days’ time.
The problem being: I seem to lack the patience to maintain and nurture the plethora of flowers
that I purchase and planted on Day One. I quickly forget to water, weed, and nurture my
romanticized version of my urban garden.
To give a little context – My mother was raised on a farm and my father was raised on a ranch,
both in Eastern New Mexico. Based on stories told by family, my father quickly realized that the
ranch life was not for him, and my mother took the approach that planting edible vegetation was
equal to work and memories of childhood chores, and now leans toward the flower-only type of
gardening – which I will add, she excels at!
And isn’t this life? We each possess romanticized versions of one thing or another based on
stories we are told or read about, we became excited and engaged, and then we lose steam
becoming discouraged or even disgruntled. We easily can point to scripture references of
flourishing gardens – from Genesis to Revelation, to the first appearance of Christ, there is no
lack of leasons in foliage. When we are in our romanticized selves, we sometimes forget the
bountiful scripture references that exist that point us to the challenges in tending, weeding, and
pruning – the very lessons that we must learn to fully appreciate what we sow.
Today, I invite you to consider what it entails to grow your metaphoric garden – starting at the
excitement of the season, to weeding and pruning, and finally to the celebration of the harvest.
Bountiful blessing to you in this season,
Kelly
Tell Me a Story
Dear Chrysalis Friends,
As we find ourselves winding down from the hustle and bustle of our most sacred
seasons, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the importance of finding rest and
solace, even in the busiest of times. It’s during these periods, filled with various
obligations and commitments, that we often forget to pause, breathe, and seek the
rejuvenation that rest offers.
In the midst of our fervent activities, it’s crucial to lean on the support of our friends and
fellow colleagues. Friendship is not merely a luxury but a necessity, especially during
times when our spiritual and emotional reserves may be running low. Let us remember
the beauty of keeping covenant with one another, standing by each other’s side through
the ups and downs of live, offering comfort, encouragement, and solidarity.
With that said, I wish to emphasize the profound significance of sharing our stories with
one another. Our journeys are not always paved with laughter, joy, and success; often,
they are fraught with challenges, setbacks, and moments of darkness. Yet, it is in the
sharing of these stories—whether they have found resolve or not—that we find
connection, empathy, and understanding. Each narrative, each experience, contributes
to the rich tapestry of our collective faith.
In light of this, I am excited to introduce you to the “Tell Me A Story” project—a venture
dedicated to collecting and sharing stories from clergy about their mental health
journeys. Mental health is a topic often shrouded in silence and stigma, particularly
within religious communities. Through this project, we aim to break down barriers, foster
open dialogue, and provide a platform for clergy to share their triumphs, struggles, and
reflections on mental wellness.
I encourage each of you to consider participating in this initiative by submitting your
mental health journey to [email protected] – 500-2000 words. All stories will
be included in a final book collaborative project. Together, let us create a space where
vulnerability is welcomed, where stories are honored, and where healing is nurtured.
May we all find moments of rest and rejuvenation amidst the busyness of our Holy
Seasons. May our friendships grow deeper, our covenant stronger, and our stories
richer through our shared journey of faith.
With warm regards and blessings,
Kelly
Discernment by Nausea in a Season of Remembrance
I recently heard the phrase, Discernment By Nausea and I was immediately drawn to it. Perhaps it is because of the season of Lent that we are entering into or perhaps it is because of the season I have personally found myself in and perhaps it is a little bit of both!
The thought behind this phrase is that we often play it safe when it comes to our lives in faith. We get comfortable in the predictability of our day to day’s – the rhythm of waking up and having that first cup of coffee, walking into our offices and preparing for the day ahead, and simply doing the work instead of experiencing the work that we have been called to. This calling is not always a comfortable experience for us and can make us feel a little queasy at times, but the process of pulling us from that which is uncomfortable to experiencing the fullness of that which we are continually being called to is a process worth exploring.
I encourage each of you to take a deep breathe in and begin to contemplate where the Spirit is leading you – perhaps out of your comfort zone into a season of Discernment By Nausea!
The Chrysalis Team is here to offer support and guidance in this and every season.
Care to you this day,
The Chrysalis Team
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Movement & Vision
As 2023 comes to a close and 2024 peaks it’s head around the corner, we find ourselves in a place of reflection, remembrance, and resolution. We reflect on all that the year have gifted to us and we remember all the lessons learned. The phase of resolution can be a bit more complicated as it takes into account the phases of reflection and remembrance and attempts to make ‘All things different – All things better!’ The problem with this, is we cannot take get over those stinging experiences that now have become a part of our narrative, neither can we simply sit in the accomplishments and joys of the year. This is truly a time to embed and move forward and through.
One activity that can assist in this movement is called Vision Boarding, rather creating a Vision Board. A vision board is a visual representation of your goals and relates to the direction you would like to take as you move into the upcoming days, weeks, months, and years. There are no rules when it comes to creating a vision board, only the ability to focus on yourself in a creative space.
A little guidance: Find a poster board, collect items that inspire you including magazine cut-outs, photo’s, and other items to affix to the board. Take your time and continually ask yourself, “Who am I?”; “What do I wish for myself?”; “What do I need?”
My word for you this day is Movement. The dedicated staff at Chrysalis is here to listen and encouragement as youfind peace, a stirring, and a movement within yourself this year.
Peace to you,
The Chrysalis Team
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The Most Wonderful Time of the Year…Maybe
The Christmas season has always been a mixed bag for me. Even as a young child and the child of a female pastor in the 1980’s, I felt both the joy and struggle of the season. I believe it was as if the pressures of the holidays and the hustle and bustle were simply too much for my little body to take in. I vaguely remember many Christmas Ev’s feeling as if the Church took precedence over family gatherings and our own joy and excitement as a family around the season, and I was not going to take it! So instead, I was often found lying on the back pew of the pristinely-decorated sanctuary, in a puddle, with my lite candle in hand, with wax dripping all over my newly-pressed Christmas dress.
As a pastor and a mother, I find myself carefully attempting to find a balance between the Church and intentional time with my daughter, so she does not feel and ‘The Church Vs. Family’ situation that I so often experienced. I will admit, I am more so successful at this depending on the year, and arguable the moment. As we all know too well, the Church this time of year does not necessarily or immediately bring a fullness of joy and celebratory emotions to those of us working the line, rather it often produces a frantic rush to assist support staff in decorating and preparing the sanctuary, ensuring the Advent candles are placed so that they will not immediately fall of their stands if breathed on incorrectly, and the worship services are just right – all so everyone knows that this is The Most Wonderful Time of The Year.
The truth is, we are not all that our Christmas Card family photos portray. We are each human beings just trying to create and truly feel a joyful spirit for ourselves and those we care so deeply for.
This year, I encourage each of you (myself included!), to get plenty of exercise, sleep, and rest. Be mindful of your needs, create meaningful connections with those you love dearly, breathe deeply, and give yourself the grace that you tell others to give themselves.
Blessings to you and know that we at Chrysalis are here for you to listen and help you find the hope, love, joy, and peace that this season is all about!
The Chrysalis Team
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Gauges
If I’m honest I really only look at two gauges on the dashboard of my truck. I watch my
speedometer and I check my gas gauge. I know that there are other gauges in my information
cluster: tachometer, battery charge, oil temperature, and maintenance. But the truth is that I
only notice this information when something goes wrong or when it beeps or flashes. Most of
the time I just trust that everything is going to work when I start the vehicle.
How many gauges do I pay attention to when it comes to my life and ministry? Over the course
of my career I have certainly known when I was running on empty, so to speak. Sadly I usually
found out how low my tank was when it was too late and I was coasting to a stop. I’ve also
been aware when my engine has been running too high and the stress of pastoral ministry was
making me feel out of control.
What about you? What gauges do you watch? What information do you look for that indicates
whether you’re healthy or not in ministry?
At Chrysalis Counseling for Clergy we know that healthy ministry involves multiple aspects of
life: spiritual, mental, emotional, social, and financial. We also know that pastors are often so
stressed that they fail to see the lights on the dashboard flashing when one or more of these
areas needs attention.
If you paused for a moment this week and took a good long look at the dashboard of your life
and ministry what would the gauges tell you? How full is your spiritual gas tank? Is your mental
tachometer revving high or nice and smooth? Does your emotional gauge show hot or cold? Is
your social life in neutral, park, drive, or reverse? And what about your financial indicators: are
you upside down or right side up?
Is a mechanic or technician needed after this assessment? If so, please reach out to us at
Chrysalis Counseling for Clergy. We are here to help clergy find wholeness and health in
ministry.
Here for the Long Haul,
The Chrysalis Team
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